EPIPHANY

I finally started painting this past weekend (Sunday, July 22, 2013 if you want to know). After 2.5 months, it was a momentous thing....shutting the door to the sitting room, putting Lyle Lovett on the stereo (Road to Ensenada, my current favorite - because I love to dance SO much)and just did it! Just picked up the brushes after spending hours sketching from my photographs of Iona (from this past March trip), and began to work. First finishing a painting I'd begun just before went to France at the end of April. Nothing like the end of a dry period to give you a feeling of euphoria, of "whew!" (because its hard not to think you'll never paint again!)I've been at it now, for days - and no stopping in sight! What has made this transformation? I truly believe it was in ONE moment. One distinct point in time where I shifted from feeling lost, terrified of the future to one of acceptance and realization. I was hit with the realization that as difficult as this time of changing life and low income is, that it could be SO MUCH WORSE! That in loosing my old, much loved studio, I was given a distinctly brighter one, and best yet, a soft landing and time. So, I am grateful, humbled and accepting of this time. I know that the best way to begin to sell paintings is to begin to create them! These are tenents I live by, and have followed for a long time now...and hold them to be true! So, in having this epiphany, I felt the shift - from not being able to paint, to being able to paint. As usual, when I start working after a long layoff, its prolific and I think, good work....directly from my soul. First, I had to tear down the walls I'd created once again to protect myself from the encroaching black cloud of fear of failure (we all have our methods - this time, it was an accidental, yet fun evening of birthday celebration). I don't recommend this to anyone, but it seemed to be what I needed to do at this point in time. Then, a week or more of the black fog as I wandered in circles - really feeling my emotions for the first time in several months. Then, a week lost to the computer - so important to my work because of all the photos that now are stored there (which in the end I fixed myself - giving me a huge sense of relief and accomplishment!).... and suddenly, the epiphany, and work. Given how light and peaceful it is, I think I'm definitely, HONESTLY, out of the black fog. Enjoy!!!

Stillness and Chaos

Hello again! Last time I wrote, I had just moved into the new studio - and it wasn't quite ready to work in. It now is....and I've spent the last week sitting in it for most of the day - reading light novels, looking at my photographs, re-photographing paintings, letting the NEED to paint come through strongly enough that I can once again pick up the brushes after nearly 2 months! At this point, 2 months feels like an eternity....as if I will never paint again! But there are interruptions to this stillness. I share this house with my dear friend Grahaeme, who has kindly and generously offered me space while my life sorts itself out. We are both creative people (he is a poet and gardener), needing long periods of solitude, and while we hang in our separate parts of the house, I'm sure he feels my presence as much as I feel his. Not in a bad way. In fact, in many ways, its been very good to not live alone for awhile! But, I find its easy to let my mind float to whatever activity is happening outside or somewhere else in the house; to help my cat adjust to this new space and all the new residents around us; to try and help clear out so that there is a comfortable order to the general chaos... anything but focus on allowing the first paintings to come out. Its nearly there. I can feel it.... alas an interruption again tomorrow.... the memorial of a very dear friend... distractions! I'm trying to start working with images from Iona once again, so I'm going to show you some of the photos from my last trip.... enjoy!