Gail Wendorf Studio in the "Hotel California!"

"....Last thing I remember, I was

running for the door,

I had to find the passage back

To the place I was before

"Relax", said the nightman ,

We are programed to receive.

You can check out anytime you like,

But you can never leave!""

Many of us will remember these last lines of the Hotel California, by the Eagles.  Over this past month, I have come to realize just how apt these lines are in describing how I feel about living out this transition phase of my life.  Being an artist, to me, means sometimes embracing the float; waiting and holding on until the next step is under my moving feet.  That has been particularly difficult this last month.  Continuing to put one foot in front of the next, and trusting that I'm not just walking in circles; each door leading back into the room I just left.  And in the middle of it all, keeping something moving on the easel.  Its been slow, painful work.  But I've managed - and the result is below.  I know you'll enjoy this view of St. Agnes, in the Provence Alps Cote d'Azur region of southern France.  I was on my way to Fontan, I believed, when turned away by an avalanche (seriously!), and was forced to stay in the area I had originally planned to end up - seeing new friends at a party I'd been invited to - the beautiful village of St. Agnes, in the hills overlooking Menton on the French/Italian border.  I spent the day walking in the village, exploring the hills, and just absorbing the spirit and soul of this enchanting part of France.  So, here's the first of hopefully many... currently off the easel in the Hotel California (Glenfinnan).

 Old St. Agnes, Provence Alps Cote d'Azur, 16 x 12 in., oil on board, £1,250.00

On the other side of all this amazing change, is the sad fact that soon I AM leaving my home of 10 years.  And it is breaking my heart - Glenfinnan, in fact the Highlands, have been experiencing one of the most gorgeous autumns that I've had the pleasure of experiencing in the last 15 years since I began coming here to paint! I WANT to paint right now, and am forced to wait even for that since I have so much business work to take care of first!  What makes I bearable is that I KNOW I'll be coming back.... at the very least, to paint and visit my dear friends.....  You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave...
Another place I've had the honor of living in, that has also sunk deep hooks into my back.

 

 

 

 

 

EPIPHANY

I finally started painting this past weekend (Sunday, July 22, 2013 if you want to know). After 2.5 months, it was a momentous thing....shutting the door to the sitting room, putting Lyle Lovett on the stereo (Road to Ensenada, my current favorite - because I love to dance SO much)and just did it! Just picked up the brushes after spending hours sketching from my photographs of Iona (from this past March trip), and began to work. First finishing a painting I'd begun just before went to France at the end of April. Nothing like the end of a dry period to give you a feeling of euphoria, of "whew!" (because its hard not to think you'll never paint again!)I've been at it now, for days - and no stopping in sight! What has made this transformation? I truly believe it was in ONE moment. One distinct point in time where I shifted from feeling lost, terrified of the future to one of acceptance and realization. I was hit with the realization that as difficult as this time of changing life and low income is, that it could be SO MUCH WORSE! That in loosing my old, much loved studio, I was given a distinctly brighter one, and best yet, a soft landing and time. So, I am grateful, humbled and accepting of this time. I know that the best way to begin to sell paintings is to begin to create them! These are tenents I live by, and have followed for a long time now...and hold them to be true! So, in having this epiphany, I felt the shift - from not being able to paint, to being able to paint. As usual, when I start working after a long layoff, its prolific and I think, good work....directly from my soul. First, I had to tear down the walls I'd created once again to protect myself from the encroaching black cloud of fear of failure (we all have our methods - this time, it was an accidental, yet fun evening of birthday celebration). I don't recommend this to anyone, but it seemed to be what I needed to do at this point in time. Then, a week or more of the black fog as I wandered in circles - really feeling my emotions for the first time in several months. Then, a week lost to the computer - so important to my work because of all the photos that now are stored there (which in the end I fixed myself - giving me a huge sense of relief and accomplishment!).... and suddenly, the epiphany, and work. Given how light and peaceful it is, I think I'm definitely, HONESTLY, out of the black fog. Enjoy!!!