EXHAUSTION!!

First of all, I'm having a studio sale.....last time was 2008.  I'm offering 30% off anything in my website: www.gailwendorf.co.uk ,  which will NOT include framing, but will include shipping anywhere.  The page titled F. Wendorf Estate is NOT included in the sale.  For any information re the sale, pricing or the F. Wendorf Estate, please notify me directly gail.wendorf3@gmail.com  or thru my website so that I can apply the discount, rather than thru the website at this time. 

That done, now talking about exhaustion....  Since returning from France and Scotland in mid-September, I have been solidly focusing on getting my old adobe casita and studio occupiable so that I can once again paint!  I'm glad I actually am itching to paint once again!  It's been a long process to get there!  Because I don't have enough to hire labor to do the work, I'm having fun filling rooms with sand, laying floor joists, laying insulation, laying piping for the in-floor radiant heating system, filling in outside trenches (after first sifting the dirt of certain piles because it seems I live on top of an archaeological site!), and dreaming of what it will be like to occupy my home finally!

I work 7 days/week, and the level of focus is astounding - which I KNOW will translate directly to the easel once I have at least one floor down!  What is also is even more miraculous is that I still seem to have the energy to do the hard work....I was gifted with a very strong body, and its still there when I call upon it!  Incredible!  There is a race to get as much done before the single digit temps of Winter finally hit Taos....  I've two fireplaces, and electricity inside...so I think I can keep working and stay warm.  The trenches.... half full.  I'll get there. 

Happy New Year!!!

I have just realised I'd not published this, and it IS a good read into what was going on for me at the end of 2015.  I don't know if it will publish in 2016 or now, but forgive the lateness or lack of timliness!  Happy 2016.....

"I have to say I’m not sad to see the back of 2015, even though 2016 means I’ll be 59!  To have made it through the whole difficult year, and to be able to pick up the brushes again by the end of it is, in my mind, a feat of passion.  Passion to paint, that is.  Recovering from the loss of a parent takes time, and I venture to say, we never really do – recover that is - , we become used to the idea that we’re orphans in the world!  I’m surprised that I was able to begin work as quickly as I did – though by the time I did start, it had been nearly a year, for other reasons, and I felt like I would explode if I didn’t start to put paint on canvas somehow!  Luckily, I still had a little bit of my commission to finish….it was the perfect solution.  That is, something I HAD to finish, to create….and there was such joy in doing that little bit of creating that I was disappointed that I had to stop again for the holidays…Thanksgiving right through to 2016.  Now I’m back; and trying to tell you about it all! 

I was able to do one of my favorite Christmas activities this year – for the first time since I began to go to Scotland actually, some 18 years ago!  That is, I was able to spend a few hours after dark on Christmas Eve at Taos Pueblo.  They have a service in their chapel on the Pueblo just as the sun is setting. Then, at the end of this service, the entire congregation takes all the statues out of the building, and there is a parade around the plaza between the two ‘houses’.  There are farolitos (bonfires) of different sizes….small personal ones in front of a home or places to warm yourself, dotted around the central plaza, and two, massive towers of pitch wood that are lit when the doors open to the church.  At the start of the procession, are two Pueblo elders shooting their deer rifles off at an angle, then the liter with the Virgin, and dancers, drummers, singers, a guitarist…..I missed the lone fiddler who once accompanied it all from the back.  Its magic, and it was lovely to see that despite the expanded crowds, it still was magic, if you chose to allow it to come forward.  I think this is where I’m going to begin my work this year….capturing the memory of this night.  No photographs, no sketches, no phones,….just being part of the magic, taking it in.  All you’ll see today, are the sketches…. But wait for it!  "

WAITING

As I sit in Glenfinnan, waiting for several "possible" sure thing visits from people, saying they'll come buy my car, my art, etc., I realize that one thing we artists become very good at is waiting, trusting.  We have to, or we'd never paint. I KNOW somehow that the person WILL arrive to buy the painting, that the car will sell, that the person who wanted to purchase a painting in September will remember, now that its September.  Today though, it feels a lot like the game of chicken.  These people have their own lives, and will come when they feel they can.....me though, I'm just waiting; because today is the day.  Or perhaps it will be tomorrow.....

CHALLENGES AND CHANGES

“the best laid plans of mice and men…..”  I had a vision of this time in Normandy, and as is usual in my life, if I make a plan or have expectations, I have to review and change. 

Many artists (myself included) need quiet, security, and sanctuary, in order to open themselves up on canvas, show their inner most person to the world (whether it’s in music, on film, on canvas, painting realism or abstraction or something in-between).  I find that if that sanctuary is absent in my life, where I am in the moment, that I cannot work.  I found myself in such a situation, and had to change most of the outcomes of my first month abroad.  I expected respect for the reasons I came on this working trip to France – a small solo exhibition in a small town, to paint in the time off from sitting in the gallery – communicating, in an interesting conglomeration of English, Spanish, French and charades, with people who came from as far as Holland, Spain, the UK, and decided to step into the gallery.  I found the opposite; and had to change accommodation, and to decide ultimately if I could even afford to stay in Normandy or to cut my losses.  As a result, I can’t paint even as I write this, and that was half of my purpose for returning to Normandy this time.  Since my work has been more upmarket than locally in Normandy for awhile now and I really can’t change the pricing, sales, while welcome, were never the big expectation from the early conception of this show.  Life’s challenges in New Mexico made it more important to sell….but I still held no illusions on that front!   The work here will go to other exhibitions in the UK. 

I expected to focus, to feel only my art, my creativity, feel that rush of pure creativity….living, breathing my art….like I did before I returned to the US, or last winter when I stopped working for others to concentrate on my painting for the exhibition.  Life is never completely absent for sure, but it’s necessary to be able to keep it at bay.  And what I do as a professional artist is just as committed and focused as any other career!  So many people just don’t get this! As a result, I found new digs thanks to new friends;  but no painting – although I can take photos and sketch  a bit – and had to decide, with my organizers, if I could afford to keep the show up til August 15!! We had to analyze the fall out if I pull out half way through versus the fall out if I keep up the show (emotional and monetary fall out).

Ultimately, through the generosity of friends new and old, we were able to keep the exhibition open; and I’m so very glad we did!  It ultimately surprised us with attendance – each day the gallery was open I had 20-30 visitors from not only the village and surrounding countryside, but from farther afield in France and into the rest of Europe and the UK.  I’ve made new, lasting friendships; one painting sold; and everyone who came through loved the focus of the exhibition on the coastline and kept talking about how “strong” the paintings are.  I am so very grateful for the chance to have met wonderful people, to show and talk about my work, and to spend time in a very quiet, lovely part of France. 

Saint Aubin sur Mer, Normandy, France

Since leaving the USA on 4 July, it’s been non-stop.  It never easy to put on your own show; even more so in a foreign country.  Even though arrangements began to be made more than 2 years ago, and posters and cards printed and sent, there is always a lot of catch up work to be done.  My show is in an historical building across from the Mairi (Mayor’s) in St. Aubin Sur Mer, Normandy.  They have devised an ingenious system of fencing – wired together for strength – and hooks to protect not only the historic walls, but I’m sure, the hammer and nails!!- Its effective though! 

Since arriving in Dieppe on the Newhaven-Dieppe ferry on 7 July, my friend Madelyn and I have raced about putting up more posters (in addition to the ones I sent from the USA a month ago), finding someone to print more (in Paris), etc., etc.  There’s a music festival on (Pete the Monkey), and its meant more visitors than expected to my little gallery space on opening day; Bastille Day.  The village began to celebrate last night with a fette that involved copious amounts of wine, moules (mussels), French fries, and dancing for the children (at least until I finally hit the wall at about 930/10 pm). I walked home in the waning light – sunset at 10:15!, listening to two different sound tracks…..the more traditional one at the fette, and Pete the Monkey electronic sounds down the road.  I’ve also tasted home-made calvados (liquor), that was as powerful and strong as a very good single malt whiskey or cognac, had more dinners out (hysterically trying to speak French when for some reason unfathomable to me, I’ve only been able to speak Spanish…and better than I’d done years ago).  I’ve been trying – sometimes more successfully than others over the years – to learn French; and the closer I get to understanding people, the harder it gets to speak!

Even better, I’ve found a new spot to paint from.  I’m here in Normandy until 15 August, then after a brief trip to Brittany to visit the spot where my beloved mare, Dancer, has been buried, and check on my friends there, it’s on to Scotland to reconnect myself with that bonnie place after being away 2 years.

NEVER GIVE UP!

Vuelettes Sur Mer, Normandy, France

I asked myself this week if perhaps I should give in, give up... my head is bloody from hitting it against the walls!  All artists have to deal with these feelings...well most of us!  That feeling that you're hitting your head against the wall so much that it's bloody, and you can't seem to soar over those walls or off those cliffs the same way you used to.  It's hard to remember the good times, when you're struggling with day to day things like finances, credit ratings, paying rent, buying food, looking for the dosh to get you over the next hump and into a decent (your own) studio - as well as to your next exhibition!  Unexpected expenses seem to be insurmountable; and don't tell us about a savings account for such eventualities!  I wish!  Sigh.

Enough moaning.  I KNOW that this is temporary, and only has any power over me if I choose to give it power.  This isn't the first time I've been here!  Not, my first rodeo! But, giving up is SOOO seductive!  This is what I'm writing about today.  NOT GIVING UP in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. I talked about this very briefly in an interview with Artist's Web (my website host) in 2014.  I'd forgotten what I said.... and by accident, read it again this past week, just in time. I was asked what was the most important advice I had to impart to other artists....?  My answer was very quick and to the point... TO NEVER GIVE UP.  This is where we separate ourselves from the rest of the world.  We do what we do because we must.  I MUST paint, and explore to do so!  It is part of my path in this life.  It has given me such an incredible life, such incredible insight into the human condition, and most importantly, such incredible insight into myself.

Solidity with the Easel and Brushes

I had to stop working on my house/studio in Taos, NM in January for a variety of reasons.  Foremost being that I have an exhibition in Normandy, France opening July 14, 2017 for a month.  I had to start painting, despite the fact that my house was by then 3 months behind schedule - winter building.  It took all of 3 days from walking into my temporary studio north of Taos and only a mile from the room I rent to putting paint to canvas (or board as it happens).  I was absolutely right when I thought that all the focus of working on my house/studio would translate directly to the easel!  The work has to be finished by mid-March, and dry by the end of the month so that I can ship it to my framer in preparation for this wonderful little show in the village of Le Bourg Dun, not far from Dieppe.  I have spent nearly every day in the studio - not wanting to tear myself away, even to check on the house and make sure it still is in one piece.  And yes, it (the house) does now have a roof; and has almost completely dried out after spending most of December and January dripping water like a grotto (see my last post!)

I'm still not in my house, but my go fund me campaign is helping, as are people who step up to offer some thing I need, or some free help.  I feel the love!  There are still lots of things I can do before I have to pay for something....but for the moment, my studio has my focus.  I am content!